But what if he never faces any real and lasting consequences for his actions?

Have you ever laid awake tormented by the fact that perhaps your partner or ex is going to get away with everything they have done? That justice will never be served? That the world will never see the true monster behind the mask? I have. In fact, that question plagued me to such a great degree that I honestly wondered at times how I would be able to live with it.

This man has destroyed your family. Ripped apart covenants. He used, abused, and neglected you while you exerted every power available to you to try and save your marriage. And then, just like that, he goes off on his merry way. If your situation is like mine, he’s in a rebound relationship before you have even been able to pick yourself up off the floor. My ex, within days of embracing the reality that I indeed planned to file for a divorce, was in a new on-line relationship and had booked a vacation with the woman—while we were living under the same roof! There was never a solitary tear shed over the loss of his wife, who had prayed, fasted, sacrificed, and given him everything. This is not a romance novel ending; he has never looked back with any sorrow at the loss of our relationship. He tells our children all the time how great his life is without me.

Then there are the sometimes lacking consequences from earthly and heavenly courts. We trust these third parties to understand and discern traumatic events. And let’s be honest, we look to them for validation of the incidents that have transpired in our marriages. Everyone’s experience with church  discipline is different. For me, while I knew I was loved by church leaders, I did not feel settled that the initial outcome of his discipline fulfilled the laws of justice. In addition, there is a high probability that your ex/husband is engaging in illegal behavior as well. But, often to your relief, he’s never been arrested or paid any penance for his risky behavior.

The reality is that addicts and our friends in the Cluster B category are often quite successful. Psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissistic are known for rising up through business ranks. The fact that they possess no discernible soul serves them well in corporate America. Oh, you want me to lay-off that man whose wife just had twins and whose mother is dying of cancer? Not a problem. That older gentleman who has served our company for thirty years but is starting to slow down a bit, let’s cut him and strengthen our bottom line. This lack of remorse allows them to see humans as mere tools to profit and loss. These behaviors are often highly rewarded in business settings. So while you are eating questionable food because you don’t know how you are going to pay your mortgage this month, your ex just got a nice promotion and is taking the new girlfriend on a trip.

Talk about riding off into the sunset. How can their life be so amazing when yours is a wreck?

Rest assured. There will be a price paid. Isn’t their shallow, emotionless existence enough of a high toll in and of itself? Their loss of trust and esteem by people who used to care for them? My ex may not be able to feel anything, but I do. That makes me realize a full human experience. Despite the difficulties inherent in a normal mortal journey, I wouldn’t trade his life for mine under any circumstances.

Perhaps your ex will not discernibly pay for his sins in this life. But, we have to trust in our loving Father. I believe that Heavenly Father allows the laws of agency to move forward with little intervention. I, however, will never for one minute believe that we have a hapless God who is easily duped. Oops, turned my head there for a minute and missed that one. Unlikely. He notices and sees. The scriptures are replete with admonitions that we will be held accountable. We need to turn no farther than those sacred books to be assured.

Alma 5:17 says about our judgement, “Or do you imagine to yourselves that you can lie unto the Lord in that day, and say—Lord, our works have been righteous works upon the face of the earth—that he will save you?”

King Benjamin told his people in Mosiah 2:39 when speaking of those who come before the Lord unclean, “And now I say unto you, that mercy hath no claim on that man; therefore his final doom is to endure a never-ending torment.”

And, I have always taken great solace in Jacob, Chapter Two. I think he saw valiant sisters in this day of rampant sexual sin. I particularly feel resonance with verse 33. “For they shall not lead away captive the daughters of my people because of their tenderness, save I shall visit them with a sore curse, even unto destruction;…”

There was a time when I was wracked with so much emotional pain, it translated into physical pain. One day, I knelt down, my chest blazing with sorrow, and asked my heavenly father how…? How could Cory not feel anything and I, who had done nothing to shatter my vows, was harrowed up in darkness unimaginable? I received an undeniable witness that my ex-husband’s actions are known. I was given an assurance that all things will be made right. I was told that my trial is noticed, seen, and honored, and that I would receive compensatory blessings.

The point of this discourse, of course, is not to flame fires of revenge or propagate the idea that we would greedily relish the idea of a man we loved, possibly had a family with, and spent years of our lives with suffering torment. On the contrary, this prospect is a nightmare and a tragedy. My intent is to soothe that we can be assured that although it may seem as if our exs are getting away with everything, they indeed are getting away with nothing. Just like us, they are known and seen. I hope this idea can offer some respite and comfort from the distress of considering that he lives a life with no consequences. None of us are above those. 

I was so grateful for this illumination in my mind. I now spend little time worrying about whether or not justice will be served. And when I do catch myself falling into obsessive thought patterns, I turn it back on myself and say, “What am I doing to live a life that will qualify me for the Celestial Kingdom? What am I doing today to make sure I can spend eternity with those I love?” This shift in focus calms me. Ultimately, I tried my best to save my husband. But now, it is time for me to save myself.

At some point, all of us—good and bad—are going to leave this life and move on to our father’s kingdom. Personally, I cannot wait for that blessed day. When it comes, it won’t matter what Cory did in this life to me and others, that will be his sole accountability. What will matter is what I did to refine myself and become more of what I hope to be during my precious mortal existence.